Listen,
Every once and a while we have these things called holidays. Maybe you’ve heard of them. Just in case, let me give enlighten you. They (meaning other people) have set aside certain days each year where we are to celebrate, commemorate, or remember a certain event, person or groups of people person. Not to
over-generalize, but it seems like holidays fit into one or five basic categories:
1:
Major holidays. These are the big ones… Like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day where most people get the day off of work and you have family events or gatherings. People tend to have family traditions associated with these Major Holidays. There are words associated with these major holidays. For example if I say “Turkey” you think of Manny Ramirez… I mean you think of thanksgiving. If I say “Fireworks” you think of Independence Day. And lastly, if I say “Presents,” you automatically think of Hayley. Major holidays are a big deal. These should not be taken lightly.
2.
Kind-of-major holidays. These are the kind of holidays that you get out of school for when you are a kid. If you are an adult and have a really good job you get to take the day off for these too. (Note: I do not get these off at my job) One these holidays the banks are closed and so are government offices. They are recognized as federal holidays, but most people still have to work them. These are days like Presidents Day, Human Rights Day, and Veterans Day. I am going to group Easter in with these because it’s a “religious holiday” and kids usually get spring break that coincides with Easter. When I worked at
Albertson’s we had to work Easter Sunday (jerks). Maybe it belongs in the next category.
3.
Minor holidays. These are days that are “special,” but I have a hard time considering them holidays if you don’t get out of school or work (or church for that matter). These are like Halloween, Valentines Day, Super Bowl Sunday, and Days 1 and 2 of the NCAA basketball tournament. These days probably warrant a day off, or the day after them off.
4.
Fake holidays. These are just dumb. Examples include Flag Day, and Arbor Day. Give me a freaking break. These “holidays” can pass without even realizing they happen. I will give a prize for the first person who can tell us when these “holidays” occur. I am serious, I don’t know what the prize is yet, but you will get a prize.
5.
Stupid holidays. These include holidays that are too stupid to be considered fake holidays. These include Earth Day, Groundhog Day, April Fools Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. Any holiday that includes pinching someone for not wearing green is really really really really stupid. (And yes spell checker program, I did mean to say “really” 4 times)
By know you are probably thinking something to the effect of, “Bob… what the hell? Why on Earth are you talking about holidays?”
It is because it’s Mothers Day on Sunday, duh. (Should “duh” have question marks after it?) I was trying to figure out where Mothers Day and Fathers Day fit. Mothers Day seems to be a bigger deal than Fathers Day, but let’s face it, there would be no mothers without a father. I’m not saying that moms don’t deserve more credit, but to quote my sister-in-law Kristen, “I’m just sayin’…”
I want to wish all the moms our there a happy Mothers Day on Sunday. Except for crappy moms… you can have a crappy day or all I care… you know who you are…
I especially want to wish the 2 most important moms in my life a particularly great day and say thank you for everything you do.
To Hana: You are amazing and I honestly don’t know where I would be today without you. I cannot express how blessed the boys and I are to have you. Thank you for putting up with us and our manliness.
To my mom: As a parent now myself, I just wonder how on earth you did it. With 3 crazy boys and 1 nasty little girl (yes you Hay) you made it all work. I admire your strength and patience. You truly are incredible.
Go hug your mom. You would suck even more than you do without her.
